A Trip back to Family Values
Recently, I took a mini vacation. I went to see my father’s sister, whom I haven’t spent any quality time in person with in about ten or twelve years. It’s been over thirty since I’ve been in her home. Aunt Joyce and Larry, her twenty-six year old grandson picked me up from the airport.
Anyway, once we returned to her home, it was like a flash to the past. Being an antique collector as long as I can remember, she retained many of the pieces I remembered. From the Tiffany style lamps to the beautiful hutches which enclosed china and Hummel figurines along with porcelain dolls or treasures from family members.
The harvest gold stove and oven next to the golden tones to the rest of the kitchen took me back to the seventies. Her appliances were immaculate as were her pots and pans from fifty-eight years ago when she got married. I learned her secret for keeping them that way. She uses a piece of brown paper bag, (which she has several cut up and ready for use in her cabinet) and Comet. Her comment was, “If you use this every time for prevention, they will always stay new looking and easy to clean.” I quickly thought back to my pans, which aren’t but a few months old and already they are discolored on the bottoms. I made a mental note.
Watching her perform in the kitchen, as a seventy-seven year old woman, was no different than it was thirty years ago, although she moves a bit slower, she moves with purpose. I watched in awe. Still, she sifts her flour three times before she uses it for her cookies or cornbread. Everything she cooks is from scratch, including her sweet tea and she still has no dishwasher, nor does she want one. She has a special plate, cup or spoon for whatever she is making or serving. Each piece has either sentimental value or a certain function.
As I watched, day after day, I noticed more and more similarities between the two of us. Even though I haven’t watched her, I still have somehow managed to get some of her behaviors or quirks. I’m certain she was influential with my mom too so I probably got them there too. One thing is I have a love of antique jars, but I know that started from looking at all of hers when I was a child. She had so many and they were all filled with different candies, teas, and cookies. It was like going into a store.
We sat at the kitchen table most of the time and had our visit there. She showed me the silverware my father gave her because he was tired of seeing her use mismatched pieces. Talking about this with such endearment always brought tears to her eyes. She eventually had some of the pieces put in a shadow box frame to capture the memory. Along with that, she framed the baby spoon she fed her grandson with. Mixed with some antique plates, this was her kitchen décor. A kitchen full of memories.
As we talked about years gone by, I became deeply saddened. Reality sank in. Life for her was about God, her kids and husband first, then her siblings and mom and dad next, all of them after God. My sadness came, I suppose because it seems that people are too busy for family in any capacity, immediate, extended, let alone starting with God. Too busy for God, kids, family, that’s sad, and yet, I am the first one to plead my guilt. Our families are so spread out across this continent that there is no room for unity, closeness or special times to develop. Each of us has our own little life and it seems we don’t want anyone to get into the way to interfere.
Personally, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve missed out on the swim meets and the ball games and the wrestling matches the kids were in. I’m sorry I’ve missed out on the birthday parties, holiday functions and gift giving. I’m sorry that I didn’t feel worthy enough to participate in my own family. But, I’m going to change that now. I don’t want to miss another thing.
